Mini Recap: The Bachelor Week 5

Welcome to our very first mini recap! I’m going to try and get what happened on The Bachelor and how I feel about it down in as many words as possible.

rose
This is a rose.

This week we’ve moved from Singapore to Thailand. Obligatory shot of Colton showering is in an outdoor shower this time. Maybe it’s because I am so over the Super Bowl and football players, but this is not doing it for me at all tonight. And I love outdoor showers!

Heather gets the first one-on-one. Her hair is too long and it makes me nervous. They go one a boat. She wants Colton to be her first kiss. Colton asks about her history with dating. She says she dated a guy she wasn’t really into for EIGHT MONTHS. She gets a rose. Then there are literal fireworks and Colton kisses her.

Elyse is very upset that she didn’t get the one-on-one. She gets all dressed up and leaves to talk to Colton. She really feels a connection with him but can’t share him with everyone else. She decides to leave. Colton walks her out, They hug for a long time. He is obviously very upset.

In her talking head, Elyse wonders how fucking stupid she is. Good question. I’m suspicious. I’m predicting right now that when we get down to the final two Colton decides that he doesn’t want either of them and goes back to Elyse.

On to the group date. They hike through the jungle and learn survival skills. Hannah B. eats a bug to get Colton’s attention. Does no one remember that she did that last week? Colton is afraid of snakes. They split off into teams to find more food and water. Tayshia pulls Colton aside to make out. Smart move. Demi and the Hannahs’ team bring back burgers.

Hannah B. says she’s falling in love with Colton. Onyeka goes to tell Colton that Nicole (who we’ve barely seen in three episodes) is only using the show as an opportunity to leave Miami. Colton confronts Nicole and she cries. Nicole/Onyeka fight. Hannah B. gets the rose.

Cassie and Colton go on another boat. Everyone feels threatened by their connection. They go to a private island and make out. Cassie is worried how people back home are going to react to the news that, unlike Colton, she is not a virgin. She calls them her “community” which sounds like a cult, but her point is not invalid. Then, they make out on really nice bed.

At the rose ceremony, Tayshia and Colton make a floating lantern. Colton says she makes him feel special. Demi brings out trust rings. Kirpa flosses Colton’s teeth. Nicole continues to defend her motives and then says Onyeka has been bullying her since week one. Onyeka denies this and says she doesn’t trust Nicole’s intentions. Onyeka and Nicole have it out right next to everyone at the cocktail party. Colton overhears and goes to watch them argue. He gets frustrated and storms out. End of episode.

Total Words: 472. Could be shorter. Aiming for 400 next week.

Total Fantasy Roses: 90 this week/760 total. Really not my best. I should have put Tayshia in my line up. Or Nicole. There were a lot of points for crying. But I’m only 60 points behind #1 on the leader board.

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